I had a very interesting conversation with a friend last night. I've made some major changes in my life, cutting away all the people who cause "drama," or in the vernacular, are unhinged asshats who always fuck up your life. My friend made a slight moan when I told her my day consisted of "waking up, playing Star Trek Online, writing three chapters of fiction, writing copy for my job, reading half a book, and playing games of tug with my dog." I know, I know, riveting, isn't it? Yet with my days now that quiet, I am seriously the happiest I've ever been. 

I just saved hundred of dollars on my parties by switching to being lame

Yet my friend moaned that my "stories just weren't as good." She didn't mean my writing, she's never read any of it, she meant our frequent phone calls and personal story swaps. Sure, I can see how to her might have been hilarious to hear how I randomly hosted a cock-sucking contest (strap-ons, a joke contest at a bar where I wore one) which led to a fun evening of acquiring a new stalker who actually finally drove off my old stalker. Sure, that might sound interesting, but it gave me ulcers and my anxiety level was damn high. Now I wake up without an alarm feeling blissful and energetic. I smile more, and no longer have a permanent knot in my shoulders. Okay, so I'm no longer the person at the party with the best stories, but that's the trade.

It got me thinking, and for someone who writes fiction and hold multiple degrees in psychology, this is always a dangerous thing. In short, my hypothesis is that as functional illiteracy increases, "drama" occurs more and more. Bear with me, this takes some explaining.

I call it the "Herp Derp" Principle. If it's correct, by the time I publish I won't even have to change the name

Now I think we can all agree the world is reading less good books. The popularity of celebrity nonsensical tomes, "self=help" books, and Twilight accurately demonstrates that 50% of all people have a 2 digit IQ. 

Actually slightly more...more people are on the retardation scale than geniuses, and knowing that, doesn't "Jersey Shore" make a horrible kind of sense?

Frankly, since the Television was invented people have been getting more and more easily amused, and reading less and less. My opinion of the idiot box is really low, if you couldn't guess. So we can suggest here (I'm too lazy to dig up the statistical graphs, you can Google it if you like) that as Television watching has gone up, reading good books has gone down. But what has remained constant? Our very human desire for interesting things to happen. 

The only thing baffling to me is that any human could compare the experiences of reading about Ahab destroying himself and his ship on a mindless quest for vengeance, watching any 5 minutes of "Jackass", or the thrill of dating 4 people at once, and none of them know about the others. One teaches you the finite difference between vengeance and justice, the other makes you lose faith in humanity, and the last will end up on a Maury Povich episode of "Who's The Father?"

I think this proves there really are aliens. If you came to a planet and saw this, wouldn't you waste your time anally probing the bipeds and mutilating the quadrupeds?
Now before you assume there's no correlation here, the DSM will be removing Narcissism as a personality disorder. You'll need a little info here. Narcissism is one of the oldest known disorders, it's a term thrown around by Freudians (almost all psychiatrists use it on average 3 times per sentence). It dates from 1898 when Havelock Ellis described an instance where a person would be sexually attracted to themselves by purposefully selecting the most desirable qualities in a mate only from their own pool. As psychology moved away from basing every damned thing on sex the term broadened to describe an individual with such intense self-focus they are infatuated with themselves and see themselves as the pinnacle of perfection. These days it's a condition in which someone believes they are the center of the universe, and you are either a sycophantic minion for their ego, or a competitor to be destroyed, also known in the vernacular as a "hater."

In the narcissists world, a "hater's" only function is to hate, or in other words, chew the scenery in the narcissists life.

Next you need to know how a disorder is defined. At the very basic first step, you look at the total population and establish the normal behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, and values. if enough people have disparaging views from the norm, you begin to investigate it. If this group has enough similar traits to establish a behavioral trend base then you find case studies and build evidence. If enough psychologists agree on the studies they vote, and place the new disorder into the DSM, the psychological bible (in my opinion about as factual as the bible, and the personality disorders section is the equivalent of Leviticus; tat is, to be read for humorous purposes mainly.)

So how does a disorder get removed? In short, the former traits/beliefs of a small group become the normal,it's o longer a disorder, it's the standard. Take a moment to let that sink in. In our parents day, if you were in love with yourself, you were damaged goods. In our generation...it's normal.

You do realize where this is going, right? In the near future fame will be achieved by releasing masturbation tapes, not sex tapes.

This is why reality TV is so popular, why so many kids sporting events give trophies for all and declare no  loser. Ego, ego, ego. We've all become narcissists. Hell, I have a blog, so pardon me while I go find a mirror and make out with it. Come to think of it, I am attracted to tall brunette women. Oh, fuck, I'm caught in the web of narcissism myself, but hey! I'm normal!

What we lose with that is when you believe you're perfect, the urge to grow or better yourself is lost. Books are one way we better ourselves. And if you think TV does it, remember, watching the food network to become a better cook is like watching porn to become a better lover. Good luck with that.

Of course it seems we're getting closer and closer to merging the two. I admit, I'm curious how turkey week before thanksgiving will go.

As a result instead of looking to the adventures of fictional characters for entertainment, a window the soul, and life lessons, we expect the action to happen to us without realizing that in novels, there is a core moral lesson the action conveys. In short, we've become a society of all flash and no substance. This is why if you like Twilight I want to curb-stomp you. You're hastening our de-evolution, and frankly I hope Twitards all get sterility.

I just hope the next time you sit down to watch a reality show or talk show, or have coffee with your friend bitching endlessly about her relationship without applying a shred of logic to resolving the issues, ask yourself: what am I getting from this? Then read  a book. A good book! Not even mine, read a real damn book time-tested and widely acknowledged as a classic. Ask yourself what you get from that. If you see no difference, please kill yourself. If you do see a difference, tell your friend to grow up, kill your television, and read, read, read.

It is the abyss that Nietzsche wrote about, and yes, it is looking back